A Comfortable Couch

Monday, December 20, 2004

About me

All about me. Me me me me me.

Birth date - October 24, 1973
Height - 6'1"
Eyes - brown
Hair - dark brown
Complexion - fair and freckly
Brain - wrinkly
Spouse - Laura Ann Katz (maiden name Toenjes)
Kids - 2 girls, Gwendolyn and Roseanna
Religion - unapologetically atheist


Damien Katz
12335 Panthersville dr.
Charlotte, NC 28269

home #: 704-547-0906
work #: 704-246-1724

I am the creator of CouchDB. I work on it full time at IBM.


My good points:
I am very devoted, loving and supportive of my wife and daughters. I have a very positive attitude and am energetic. I am smart and a fast learner, especially when it comes to math, science and engineering stuff. I love solving really hard problems. I am a hard worker, and I am very passionate about my work. I am very honest. I like to make lots of jokes, sometimes they are even funny. I take good care of myself and exercise regularly. I am athletic. I read constantly (always non-fiction). I have good eye for aesthetics. I am good with my hands and like to make things. I like to bake. I generally try not to take life too seriously.

My bad points:
I am egotistical, judgmental and sometimes have a bad temper (but I'm working on those things). I am vain and self conscious. I don't take very good care of my teeth (but I do floss regularly: once every 4 months, whether I need it or not). I am messy and disorganized. I have a short attention span in meetings and lectures. I take my work too seriously. I am brutally honest (but I'm convinced it's not really a bad point). My self-created list of bad points is oddly short, hmmmm.

My weird points:
While I am pretty athletic (strong, fast, can jump, etc), I'm physically uncoordinated and hence suck at nearly every sport (except basketball, I'm decent at that). I am somewhat shy around new people, sometimes it comes off as being as being a snob. I spend waaay too much time in front of the computer, but that's the way I like it. I drink lots of diet soda, lots. I can't whistle. Sometimes my feet smell like hot buttered popcorn. I once was the proprietor of liquidpoop.com -- the internet's largest repository of diarrhea-related poetry. Although I'm vain, my wardrobe mostly consists of stained, freebie t-shirts and a few pairs of jeans.



Blogger Steven Campbell said...

You forgot your SSN! That's very inconsiderate -- how am I supposed to steal your identity without a SSN??!

Oh, and your mother's maiden name wouldn't hurt either.

12:54 PMlink  
Blogger Damien said...

Yes, such is the danger of exposing things about yourself, you open yourself up for attack, on many levels. I'll risk it for now.

5:24 PMlink  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You guys are so gullible... This entire website is a honey-pot! Hello?! Damien's identity has been already stolen quite some time ago. Do you actually believe Damien even OWNS this domain? Take a hint: If this were the real Damien Katz, this blog would run on Domino, and it would be superfast, no agents, just @formula driven. Do you think any of the posts are actually HIS? Get real! The real Damien has no clue as to whats going on here...he's locked away in an office without internet access, busy rewriting the Lotusscript compiler engine for R7 ;-). Last time I checked his submissions, he added Try{}Catch{} blocks to the language. No, not in Erland, in C++.


7:22 PMlink  
Blogger Damien said...

Your IP address has been logged and your position triangulated. Expect a knock on your door shortly.

8:53 PMlink  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jesus! Those pictures... you are sick!

11:39 PMlink  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

'unapologetically atheist'

Do you realize that means you have an ingrained belief, difficult to be rid of.

Don't get stuck there be just undecided, it's simpler, and you can change your mind. There's plenty to chose from and what you got left? 10,15 years at most by the look and good old Jesus offers an eternity, makes your 5 years look a bit sick don't it.

So as you wind down over the next year or so spend a little them thinking. The months will pass all too quickly. So some time next week as the grim reaper reers at your bedroom window ponder, this last minute could be transformed.

In a few words: don't be so bigotted.

11:27 AMlink  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Drop dead!!!

1:05 AMlink  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hello!I am a chinese girl .I found you are funning! may you happy!

2:11 AMlink  
Anonymous Tim said...

I wish I had found this site Last Week, I used to work for this "Company" known as Vonage until they fired me for reasons they would not tell me. When I asked why am I being Fired they said "Call HR next Monday" What on earth is that????!!!??? If you're going to Fire me you have to have a reason!!!!!

11:37 PMlink  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh my god


10:16 AMlink  
Anonymous thomas said...

"very smart" people don't have ganster rap phases ;)

aside: the dude preaching atheism as being bigotry needs to have a close, sober look in the mirror (why do religious types always miss patent irony in their drunken holiness?). just who's "undecided"? atheism != agnosticism, for the semantically impaired, and chrisitians have more flavours of their religions than most ice cream parlours have toppings, whereas atheism just says it's all a pile of crap and you should live your own life, in no uncertain terms.

in the end, it's easy to believe that people who try to *push* their views onto others are clearly uncomfortable about them, and would be a lot happier if they weren't the only morons believing in it...

3:57 PMlink  
Anonymous B.I.Grant said...

Thomas sounds like a lost asswipe. How does he manage to live his life in "no uncertain terms." Do you have a bible that you look up terms so you can be certain about your life.

4:19 PMlink  
Anonymous thomas said...

B.I.Grant, i think you might find it worthwhile to read people's comments before attacking them...

"Do you have a bible that you look up terms so you can be certain about your life."

1. who said i live in certainty? i said that atheism (being close to my personal religious view, agnosticism) certainly discounts all religious beliefs as being false.

2. if you'd read my post, you'd know that i don't look to the bible for very much at all (living in a catholic school hostel can do that).

3. how would looking at a bible give me any kind of certainty anyway? isn't one supposed to put their life in the hands of god or something?

all in all, it's absolutely no wonder you didn't leave any contact info- i wouldn't put my name to such a lame-ass post either... i was hoping to incite some sort of principled* discussion with the (also anonymous and similarly obscure) author of the bible-bashing post, oh well... enough molesting poor damien's blog (for me anyway).

7:50 PMlink  
Anonymous JR WILDING said...

Now, how do you know Mr. Grant is wrong. Don't apologize for being an athesist, if you really know what that means, You must believe in something if you are a agnostic? I don't really care but you fall into the trap of all religions, you dont' want to believe but yet you are slightly afraid to do so. Looking at your pictures, I think you are a closet right wing, republican. You just put on here that you are something you are not. You are a fake, aren't you? I dont' care if you belive in anything or not, but don't apologize for it and then try to gloss it over by saying you are actually something else becasue, mommy and daddy brought you up that way. Stand on your own two feet, say, I hate all spiritual entitites, no matter who are what they migth be, or go back to watching Pat, The nutcase Robinson.

11:38 AMlink  
Anonymous WIlding said...

THomas, man you have serious problems.

11:39 AMlink  
Anonymous B.I.Grant said...

J.R. Wilding is correct. Thomas isn't worthy. But make sure you don't call him an asswipe. It hurts his feelings.

3:04 PMlink  
Anonymous Wilding said...

Grant....., jeez give the guy a break, he isn't an asswipe, I think he very well could be a closet baptist, he isn't an asswipe by now means. He is pretty smart, good dry sense of humor, has put himself out there for people with pathetic lives like us, make his miserable unfullfilled existence seem grand!
He is truly blessed and deep down he knows it.

11:10 PMlink  
Anonymous Jay said...

I think all of those accusing people of being what they aren't, B.I. and Wilding, need to just lay the fuck off. Let people be happy with who they are and live their lives. Just because you may not be happy with who you are, as I see you putting others down and/or making fun of others is classic, doesn't mean everyone else has to be miserable fucks also.

I, for one, have had it with people who are brainwashed trying to push their beliefs on me and everyone else. What makes them so fucking special? Ohhh.... Their mommy told them so.... Ohhh.... Jesus told them so.... I dunno about the rest of ya'll, but there's some serious mental issues at work if people are talking to a supposed 2000+ year old dead guy. :P Here's news for you. You aren't special. None of us are. We're all here as a science petrie dish for aliens to study. lol! Bunch of fucking biggots. I can't stand people like you.

1:34 AMlink  
Anonymous B.I.Grant said...

Yes, Jay, you are a science experiment, gone horribly wrong. Report to the nearest cannibal justice center for processing.

10:37 AMlink  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When people put their lives out there for the world to view, then they have to expect all variables. How they deal with tells even more and thus more to judge, we are humans, we judge. I cast stones, because, I can, and don't mind them tossed at me. Its folks like you who have brainwashed people not to stand up for themselves or something. Join an argument, and as Grant says, look at this experiment you were drug into, you are pathetic.

3:53 PMlink  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


I first became aware of your blot when a friend recommended I read your post on refactoring the @Formula language. Very interesting. I'm glad you did a good job, but I am appalled that IBM had a 'freshman' assigned to this important task. Anyway...

I was interested that you outed yourself as an atheist. In my world that would be disaster. Isn't only like 2% of the human population an admitted atheist. Seems like an insane thing to say.

To me I look around everyday and feel sick to my stomach that I haven't a sole to talk to that sees this existence as it is. It is utterly unbelievable that 98% of the population has performed mental gymnastics to fool themselves into thinking that God exists and has outlined guidelines to living that ultimately providing meaning for our existence. Isn't it a more meaningful endeavor to question and continue to look for these unanswered questions. I can only imagine what the world would be like if we all put our efforts into the search rather than administering the pleacebo.


11:33 PMlink  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Now, I was attracted here by the strandbeasts but philosophy and religion are occasionally my cup of tea. I think people who argue that religion is false miss the point. Religion is about meaning and we can judge it as useful or harmful, beautiful or ugly but almost certainly not true or false. Even Nietzsche would laugh. Furthermore it seems like arrogance to me to assume that we today have knowledge that has evaded basically everyone else in all of history - 9 billion people might have been wrong but it seems unlikely they were idiots. I tend to consider myself a non-theist but I am sure a lot of people end up thinking I'm a Christian because I devote a fair bit of time to defending religion. I dislike the idea that you have to either all out agree with a belief or find it totally worthless and deceptive. Things can be useful but false. One must wonder what is so surpremely terrifying about the concept of being decieved that we fortify ourselves so nervously. This is a little rambly because my brain is a little fried by classes. I want to have a summation beyond "chill out, it's all good." I think my point may be that it behoves us to examine the causes and the motives of our beliefs as best as we are able. All beliefs have both. Christians, atheists and everyone in between is choosing beliefs not only because they have been told or 'proved' to them (though that is of course a factor) but because of what they do for them. Look at what your beliefs do for you, and, if it makes you more compassionate, think of why others might need their beliefs. And if you are inclined to call yourself an atheist you should read some Nietzsche, cautiously. And perhaps Derrida on Nietzsche for a truly charming Freudian analysis of the source of the attachment to truth.


6:13 PMlink  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nietzsche said god is dead.

12:05 AMlink  
Anonymous Steven said...

Nietzsche said god is dead.

If god weren't dead he'd be in prison for uproar right now ;)


9:54 AMlink  
Anonymous Incognito-R said...

I think you're cool. And your article about errors and exceptions was really useful to me. I made a summary of that at my university :-)

2:54 PMlink  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Crappy programmer" blog was right on the money - my former coworker matched most of those - and is now a Microsoft MVP - lol.
theyll let anyone in. just glad i moved states so i don't have to work with him no more.


6:07 PMlink  
Anonymous Steve Barsky said...

Damien, your musings on programming are quite witty and insightful. That may even be a reflection on you, I don't know.

You should consider writing a book - I'd be willing to pay (or have my company pay, more likely) for it.

Keep up the good work!

2:25 PMlink  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

did you save the booger...you could sell it with a U2 ipod for $2000.

7:57 AMlink  

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